Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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