New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
