so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
