i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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