Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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