ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
