you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
