One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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