This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
