Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
