weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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