dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sext me about skeletons
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
as a side note pls kill me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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