How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
