i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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