i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
