forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
