i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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