ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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