last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
