there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
