listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
