Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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