I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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