my soul wont recognize me after tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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