We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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