You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
