worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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