just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
