so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
