A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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