You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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