I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She made me pour olive oil on her.