did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.