Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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