maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.