So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
