I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
