I smell stomach acid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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