Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
