Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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