Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
