96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize