yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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