When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
