the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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