saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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