i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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