i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
