I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
