Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
