I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
