Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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