I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
