I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
