I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
