I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
