you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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