sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
