Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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