Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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